The friend in question is my buddy Ana who, with the help of her husband Noah, released Paloma into the world this past saturday. Congratulations, Ana!

Thousands Cheer! War Ends! Poverty Abolished!

The left handed stepchild of Punk Rock, Egghead., returns for its first New York Show in 2 years!

This Wednesday, June 24th
at Lit Lounge NYC
93 Second Avenue
9 pm 6 bucks
appearing with Lost Locker Combo, The Kung Fu Monkeys, Noise Noise.
http://litloungenyc.com/litcalendar_june.htm


Here! Download some free songs from our myspace page!
http://www.myspace.com/eggheadnyc

Yeah. Totally the kilt.

see more Fail Blog

Evening.
A romantic anniversary dinner for two for JAMIE, 18, and JOHN, Mid to Late 40s. We pick up the conversation in the middle of a heated exchange about Germany.

JOHN
And whatever you say about the Scientologists, it is NOT COOL that Germany has outlawed them.

JAMIE
Eh.

JOHN
What? How can you say that? You of all people!

Jamie is being inflexible on the matter. John tries to use sarcasm to make his point.

JOHN
Oh, right, like what's the worst that can happen if Germany outlaws a religion?

JAMIE
(a little too loud)
THE RELIGION GETS ITS OWN COUNTRY.

Happy Anniversary, Baby. I'd marry you all over again.

I'd have never had a single argument with my inlaws about him.

And am I the only one who is -- I dunno, amused is the wrong word -- by the fact that this dipshit waste of carbon killed only one person -- a Gentile -- and then got shot in the face?

And also too -- is it okay to let just ANYONE adopt a highway?

UPDATE: Here's what I meant to say: I'm actually kind of soothed by Van Brunn's incompetence. I really do think that's the level of efficiency we're dealing with here.

Firstly, the bride and I are doing Married. again, our two person improv show, this Friday Night at the very early 7pm. Why so early? Because we're going out to dinner for our anniversary afterwards. Come on down!

The next evening, I'm doing standup at 12 Shiny Nickels. Terrifying. I don't have a 'best 5 minutes.' i have 5 minutes. we'll see.

And at the end of the month, I'm back at the East Coast for the Egghead. Reunion. Wednesday the 24th at LitLounge NYC, and Saturday at the Sonar in Baltimore. At our last show, in 2007, the power went out in the club, and we did an acoustic punkrock set in the parking lot. It went like this:



This is a lot of Bowie, even for my mom. But should you be near any of these places, stop by and say hi!

Notice how I never use that headline? I see a lot of famous people, sure, I live in LA, I go home to New York City quite a bit, but I never bother the really famous (Paul Newman used to keep a place on my block in the eighties. Never said anything to him) and never feel the need to blog about it. Liv Tyler and her kids go to my playground. Jamie saw Reese and Jake at Casbah recently. The really famous tend to appreciate their downtime, and they're often ... less than appreciative when approached. No names, but I've seen people like Batthew Mroderick be a little less than cool with people saying hello.

Today Nola and I are walking the dog down Sunset when this little westie terrier starts FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT and lunging at my aloof and disinterested pug. The owner of the LWT pulls back on the leash and makes a joke to the effect of "hey, now, don't make me get the whip." He smiles and these piercing blue eyes shine out from under the brim of his hat and I realize holy shit, that's Jeff Fahey!

Now HERE'S someone I wanna give some love to. The way I stopped Dan Futterman on the street onetime. The way I accosted Bob Gunton as a youth. So I say "Jeff, I love your work." And he grins, ear to ear, touches his heart and says "Thank you." You know why he touched his heart? Because when you say something like that to hardworking journeyman actor like that, you're touching his heart. I add "I just watched Planet Terror again, and it's so fun." He waves and says "You want some barbecue?" which means nothing if you haven't seen the film, but if you have, it's FUCKING AWESOME SALAD WITH KICKASS DRESSING. I screamed "Thanks!" and not knowing what else to do, pumped my fist in the air with joy. Neither dog nor daughter were particularly impressed. But seriously, how cool is that -- some nerd stops you on the street, compliments a movie you did, and you do your signature line from said film? I wish you a lot of luck stopping Dustin Hoffman and getting him to say "I'm walking here!" unless, you know ... you're actually in a car and you almost hit him. Which I don't recommend.

stuff is a Frustration Sandwich with a Bullshit dijonaisse. Frequent readers of this blog know that I want my gay friends to get married (if you want to, guys, no pressure, it's a big step), and I'm fine with it being a states issue for the moment, and I can't believe the California electorate doesn't agree with me, but then again most of us sat up in bed 6 years ago and said "I wanna go vote for the Last Action Hero." so ... you know ... what to do.* An

And while I don't want to paint everyone opposed to gay marriage with a brush that says "I'm an illiterate redneck," it is awfully hard when moments like this pop up from our friends at Nation for Marriage;






Nice, guys. I seriously know a couple gay copy editors who could use the work in this economy, if you guys are cool with it ... you fucking illiterate rednecks.


* i voted to keep Gray Davis. I'd do it again.

Strap on your Jetpack and use your bug reality caps and check out this awesome timeline of expired futureworlds.

Next weekend, I'm hosting a show at the UCB Theater-LA called The Way We Were. It's a touching collection of our achingly earnest poetry. Our well intentioned short films. Our plays that were going to change the world. The Way We Were explores the things we had inside that we really just had to share. Had to.

You should make reservations at the above link, because it's going to be really fun. Saturday's show includes Queer As Folk's Peter Paige, Late Night With Craig Ferguson's Molly Prather, and yeah, I'll be reading some stuff from college. Like what? Glad you asked. I found a folder filled with old poetry when we cleaned out my mom's storage space last month. This is real, and it's dated 4/16/1990:

HAIL TURD
Hmmm, I wonder how long that turd has been there?
Rendered grey by time,
Rock hard by the elements,
Did it meet the ground before this college was here?
Did a Native American leave it here?


Jesus Christ. Poop joke and political correctness!!! Wanna hear more? I thought so. See you next Saturday.

So, yeah, I got this Kindle from my father-in-law. It's a great gift, and I'm very excited, and I'm really turned on by it's internet capability. I can go online from the Kindle itself and suck whole books out of cyberspace. And what's great is that there's a lot of public domain stuff that's free or under a dollar -- I got a killer Sherlock Holmes collection for NOTHING.

So I kept searching for stuff that would be free or cheap, and came across
this. Don't feel like clicking? Fine. It's all 20 volumes of the Babylonian Talmud for 99 cents.

I'm not Jewish. But my wife is, and I often play a member of the tribe -- seriously, they'll cast me and BOOM the characters last name will suddenly transform to Lipshitz (I am not exaggerating, this actually happened once. It's a mess of a movie called Nadine in Dateland. I bought a copy at a carwash). And I grew up in New York which, all political correctness aside, makes you a bit jewier had I grown up in, say, Muncie, or Namibia. But the big draw of the this purchase was that I could not turn down 20 volumes of anything for 99 cents. The technological advancement is stunning - I'm storing the entire Babylonian Talmud in what looks essentially like just a big wallet.

I told my inlaws. Home Run Bowie!!! Mom-in-law notified/bragged (braggified?) to her Rabbi, the incredibly charismatic Rabbi Baruch Ha-Levi. He was impressed, and copped to the fact that he's still getting through the Talmud 13 years after starting.

Rabbi B is worth talking about a bit more -- he's younger than me, which is mind-blowing. A rabbi. Younger than me. There are benchmarks in a man's life -- the first time the centerfold is younger than you. The first time a baseball player is younger than you. And apparently, the first time a Rabbi is younger than you.

Which makes you -- what? Tevye?
No, even Tevye was younger than his Rabbi. Rabbi B's also so g_ddam goodlooking that the less tactful members of his congregation call him Rabbi Mcdreamy (so, wait, he's Irish?). Anyway, he's a very nice man and has always been welcoming to interfaith couples. Check out the link above to read his writings on modern Judaism,

So I tell all of this to my friend Tami who sagaciously points out "So you're using the gift your in-laws got you. You bought a Talmud for it. And you only paid 99 cents? That's the Jewish Trifecta!"

The Jewish Trifecta. I would have called it a Kippah Trick. That's a great joke, and the only people who would really get it are going to stop using their computers in about 7 hours. Link to this, quick, and GOOD SABBATH!

You really need to watch this. Especially if you're the sort of person who can google themselves and not drown in the hate of strangers. This will make you realize what you're missing. PS Casey Wilson has more talent in one of her cans than most board commenters have in their entire tech support departments.

what is going to make me laugh until I cry:


see more pwn and owned pictures

is that it keeps me from real blogging. And the world needs my half-baked liberalism, snarky commentary and amusing baby anecdotes. I hear you, world. I hear you. but if you like your Bowie in snug little <140 character snippets, might I suggest following me?

A weird beast, twitter. It's such a compact way of expressing egomania, but this follower count makes me queasy (but so does the fact that most of my friends have more followers than me).

I had the flu. Not swine flu, and not a particularly bad strain, but two nights ago I lay in bed with a ridick high fever and my wife was next to me in the exact same shape and I thought I was going to drown in my sweat and then catch fire. I changed clothes twice (2ice) during the night because I had soaked through my pjs. My daughter is fine, which is leading me to believe she is Wolverine and, as such, invincible. I am left with bodily aches, but fistfuls of motrin and a Randy the Ram style B12 injection in my taut, supple right buttock have pulled me out of the woods.*

Happy Baby Birthing to my friend Jenna, who released Olive this weekend.

Go see Anvil: The Story of Anvil, but make sure you read interviews with the guys after you see the movie. Trust me on this one.

*it is just the right one that is taut and supple. The left one is tawny and firm.

ever, and am just barely hanging on to my sanity, and have tried to relax, and usually Ambien and blogging don't mix, but I would like to share a glimmer of optimism: an itemized list of things accomplished in the first 100 days of the Obama presidency. Too zooted to link to it, so I'll post it in it's entirety. Sleep well!

Obama's First 100 Days: 10 Achievements You Didn't Know About
Sam Stein
04/29/09 01:08 AM


Share Print Comments
Despite the anticipation that accompanies it, the marking of a president's first 100 days in office is a decidedly predictable affair. The White House, while downplaying the metric, nevertheless goes to great lengths to stress the enormity of its own accomplishments. Critics, not surprisingly, carry a diametrically different message; only this time, terms like socialist and fascist are bandied about.

That said, conservatives and progressives alike do seem to be in agreement on one aspect of the Obama presidency: one hundred days into office and a lot has been done. From new approaches to two wars to more than a trillion dollars of government spending; from pirate attacks to flu epidemics; from controversial cartoons to Senatorial defections; a full news day has not this administration lacked.

The abnormally packed cycle has had its side effects. Stories that once could or would receive front page treatment have faded fast. Indeed, some of the most consequential changes made by the president to date - affecting our nation's health care system, infrastructure, urban and foreign policy - have received modest to little coverage, either discussed but not appreciated, or reported but not in great depth. As Obama gets set to host a press conference marking his first 100 days, the Huffington Post asked administration officials as well as Democrats inside and out of government for their picks of under-appreciated stories during this time period. Here are ten of those stories.

Health Care: The Obama White House cleared an important hurdle in the health care reform debate when it appropriated $19 billion in the stimulus package to help implement an electronic medical record system. The money is paltry compared to the hundreds of billions set aside for an overhaul of the health care system in the budget. But officials inside and out of the White House say it significance is hard to understate

"We need to have health IT so we have a better idea both of what works but also... so people can share information," Zeke Emanuel, Obama's health care adviser told the Huffington Post in mid-March. "We are on our way in a way that we have never committed ourselves before."

Communications: A presidential campaign built on innovative messaging and advanced technology has, naturally, become a White House defined by similar characteristics. As such, the reach of the administration's new media efforts - from hosting online question-and-answer sessions with the president to publishing the first White House blog - has been as expected as appreciated. It's unfortunate, said one tech savvy Democrat, because the new policies have had tangible impacts. "The White House streams every event with the president on its website, even press events," he said. "It's remarkable because, this Sunday they held a swine flu press conference that ordinary people [including many who may have been personally nervous about the topic] were able to watch online... Before you had to wait for a readout or hope that CSPAN would cover it. This is one of those things that people don't quite understand the significance of."

Transportation: Since the passage of the economic stimulus package in mid-February, the Obama Department of Transportation has approved 2,500 highway projects. The movement of stimulus money out the door has been as swift as it has been effective: $9.3 billion has been spent in all 50 states. Touting its impact, DOT officials say 260,000 jobs are expected from this investment. And with competition for contracts fierce, the department is set to approve even more projects than previously envisioned. "There will be more money for additional transportation projects," said the official.

Education: Maligned for its handling of the financial and banking crises, the Obama Treasury Department has nevertheless implemented policies with real qualitative and quantitative impact on debt-burdened families. Chief among those was a $2,500 tax credit to help offset the cost of tuition (among other expenses) for those seeking a college education. Nearly five million families are expected to save $9 billion, according to Treasury officials.


Cars: The automobile industry at the White House and Congress's behest has undergone seismic structural changes, managerial reorganization, and massive cuts in employment. But for all the tough love, the president has put in place the framework for an industry recovery. Perhaps the most significant of steps was to allocate $2 billion in stimulus cash for advanced batteries systems. One high-ranking Hill aide called battery technology "the next big frontier" in the automotive world, adding that if the U.S. could dominate this market it would reclaim its perch as the world's premier car manufacturer.

Pakistan: Cognizant of a destabilizing situation in Pakistan, the administration's diplomatic team, with a major assist from Japan, secured $5 billion in aid commitments "to bolster the country's economy and help it fight terror and Islamic radicalism" within the country. The money, as Pakistan observers -- notably Senate Foreign Relations Chairman John Kerry - note, will prove instrumental in bringing the nation away from the brink of failure and increased Taliban control.

Cities: More than any prior president, Obama has put a spotlight on America's struggling cities, even creating an office of Urban Policy in the White House. It is the Justice Department, however, that lays claim to one of the most consequential of urban affairs achievements. Through the Recovery Act, DOJ secured $2 billion for Byrne Grants, which funds anti-gang and anti-gun task forces. The money, cut during the Bush years, is expected to have massive ramifications on inner-city crime and violence.

Engaging the Muslim World: While certainly discussed, foreign affairs experts insist that Obama's engagement with the Muslim world has been at once remarkable and under-appreciated. From the first interview with Al Arabiya to his Nowruz address to the Iranian people, to his proclamation that "American is not at war with Islam" during an appearance in Turkey, seasoned observers have been routinely impressed. "Through these [statements and interviews]," said one Democratic foreign policy hand, "He has been able to dramatically change America's image in that region."

Forests: Since taking office, the White House has put under federal protection more than two million acres of wilderness, thousands of miles of river and a host of national trails and parks. The conservation effort - the largest in the last 15 years - came with the stroke of a pen when Obama signed the Omnibus Public Land Management Act of 2009 in late March.

Tone: Leaving a meeting at the White House on Tuesday a progressive member of the House of Representatives commented to the Huffington Post just how impressed she was with the president's manner. "He is so calm," said the member, "and has a great ability to make you feel like you're being respected and listened to."

It is not, necessarily, a unique observation. But among many Democrats and even casual observers Obama tone is cited as one of the chief catalysts for his outstanding early poll numbers. "Despite record job loss," said one Democratic aide, "there's still hope in America." Indeed, from the beginning of his presidency the percentage of people who believe the nation is headed in the right direction has risen from 19 percent to 42 percent, according to a recent ABC News-Washington Post Poll. Minus that calming influence, these numbers don't exist and neither does the Obama agenda as we know it.

What did we do before Michele Bachmann? This woman puts the "retarded" in "retarded." She makes Dan Quayle look like someone who knows what the fuck he's talking about. If she were our 39th president, she'd be James Earl Downs Syndrome. In short, she is not worth writing good jokes about.
BEHOLD.

Oh, sure ... I could be offended. But it's nice that someone took this much time to write about my work.

They recently reran one of my episodes of Big Bang Theory -- I play Barry Kripke, arguably the most controversial sitcom character since Maude's abortionist showed up (pouring out my 40 for Bea).

From this past January, here's an ardent fans eerily well thought out essay Five Ways to Off Kripke. Thanks, buddy! Keep watching!!!